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POA... How to move further? Need advice [Closed]

Ask a question SharonB 1Posts Friday March 20, 2015Registration date March 20, 2015 Last seen - Last answered on Mar 31, 2015 05:55PM by Ambucias
Hi! I have just joined this forum as I have just been googling to see if anyone else is in my position. I am 34 and my husband is 37 and we have been trying for a baby for just over 2 years. I have been diagnosed with POA as my AMH level is just 1.25. My first IVF cycle ended in chemical pregnancy. We retrieved 6 eggs but it has been down hill since then. My 2nd IVF cycle we collected just one egg from 3 follicles. And unfortunately it didnt fertilize. I am now in the middle of my 3rd IVF cycle and yesterday at my day 9 scan. I was told i only has one follicle. I was given the option to cancel the cycle. But I was told that there would be no point in trying IVF again and would need to consider egg donation as my only hope for a baby. I am continuing to egg collection as they do say it only takes one egg. So fingers crossed in my one follicle there is one special egg waiting! I haven't stopped crying yet as i still cant come to terms with the idea of not having my own child. And so if anyone has any advice on what to do next i would be grateful. I am worried about how i will feel about carrying another womans baby. And will i bond with the baby knowing it is not genetically mine. Do i tell my family and what if everyone knows by looking at the baby that it is not mine? Also how do i know what clinic abroad is the best for egg donation. I am sure that many other people have had the same feelings and concerns about egg donation. And it would be so good to hear other donor recipients stories of how you felt before and after convieving through egg donation.
Any advice or words of encouragement right now would be very welcome.
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Hi SharonB! I understand your feelings and fears. I was completely desperate(( But I started to look for the clinics abroad. We paid our attention to the cost of the program. We hadn't other choice only to look for not European country such as India. But unexpectedly I saw the article about surrogacy in Ukraine. I know a lot about that country. Once I was there and I left that country in my heart. But I didn't know that surrogacy in Ukraine is on the high level. I was surprised with the fact that reproductive medicine in Ukraine is very popular treatment, especially among foreigners. It was a sign)) We found a clinic. They proposed all inclusive package for very little price. For 29.900 they proposed unlimited attempts but only if a doctor allow it. We visited their doctor and she proposed me to do two attempts with donor eggs and then in case of failure we would continue to try with surrogate mother. We were very happy with it. Moreover everything foreigner can need was included in package. We were met with taxi driver. Clinic provided us with English speaking manager. Accommodation and meals, medications and treatment were also included in that one single price without any hidden fees like in US. We didn't wait for a long time to be involved in program. It took a month. Manager invited us in Ukraine. That month they stimulated a donor. I don't want to tell more details. Unfortunately I was failed again. But we tried to remain positive. We had one more attempt with donor eggs. In a month they invited us again. And I can tell you that I knew, I felt that I could by lucky. After second attempt we were pregnant with twins. I am so grateful to doctors, managers and all staff of clinic for my babies. Girls, don't afraid to go in Ukraine. This is a great country with grate specialists.
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Hi, dear! Lack of eggs is not the worst thing that can happen. Besides eggs, I do not have uterus and I am denied the opportunity even to bear a child, to feel how it stirs in me, how it is growing up. Every day I woke up with a sense of my child's smell, I heard his voice, I even started talking to him. How do you think where it would lead to? I have almost stopped to feel like a woman. About surrogacy I have learned from my sister who spent all her time on the Internet searching my salvation. And you know , I dreamed about a child so much that I did not doubt for a second , furthermore I did not have a lot of choices. Since I am from Hungary, we started looking for an opportunity to give birth to our child with the help of a surrogate mother abroad. After reviewing a large number of clinics, we stayed at the clinic in Ukraine. They offered an `all inclusive' package that we were very happy with, as we were only focused on winning. I cannot say that everything was simple, the waiting drove us crazy, it seemed that I would be told that nothing happened and I would never have the child with my husband's eyes. But after 1.5 years I had my daughter , my angel , my whole world . Now my princess is one year old, and many friends who do not even guess how I had my baby , they say that my daughter looks like me . If you are really ready to become a mother, no matter whose egg is there , Mom is only one who grows and loves
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If you are interested in, I can share my experience. I was also in Ukraine, in Biotexcom. I am from Serbia, I decided for surrogacy because of abnormal uterus. I have reviewed a lot of agencies and clinics, monitored a lot of forums and recommendations and the most important thing I understood that it is better to choose clinic, but not an agency, it is different level of service. I stayed at Biotexcom clinic, contacted them for information. The girl I have been contacted was very nice and answered all questions in details. They proposed all inclusive package with unlimited attempts and accommodation, that was exactly what we needed. The price is quite loyal, it is only 29.900 for the package. But we paid for the flight and some personal needs and presents from Ukraine)) We were located in the villa in private section, I was shocked with the conditions, I have never expected so high level services from Ukraine. The only thing I was disappointed with was the location, it was beautiful place, but just a little far from the center, while I have planned to walk along the streets of Kiev. Also it was one more problem. In the embassy we were warned about the political situation in Ukraine and we were strongly recommended not to go, but the managers have assured us that everything is ok in Ukraine and the situation is very exaggerated by mass media. We came in Kiev in mid-January and we didn't see any military actions and unrests, so you can stay calm about visit to Ukraine. We asked for the photos of surrogate mothers, but the doctor assured us that much more important the health of the uterus, but not the appearance of mom. And he convinced us that mom is absolutely healthy. We decided to trust the doctor, cause he is more competent in these matters. So we signed the contract and passed the stimulation. We came back home a few days ago and we are waiting for the news about pregnancy.
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Hi All! I'm really happy to see you all talking about donor eggs. It is very important topic. I also agree that it doesn't really come up in regular conversation very often. And I think many people will confirm it. The whole IFV journey can be hard to talk about with friends, family, colleagues. It is harder to talk with donor egg. I have come across a lot of judgmental people. They think the world needs to know everything they agree or disagree with. Some of them are sure that only their opinion is a true one. Especially if admit that I am from a very conservative area. My hubby and I arrived at the decision to use donor eggs based on age. Then suddenly I realized that using donor eggs is really not much different (genetically) than adoption which I was more than willing to consider. We thought a lot. I saw the statistical chances of us successfully conceiving with my eggs as I approached my 44th birthday. I just had to realize it was not likely. My dear husband has always been very practical about the whole process. He tried to support me all the time. I just wish I had a bit more of his even-keel nature. In fact, he said if it would make me feel better we could use donor sperm too. Just so I'm not the only one who is not genetically related to our hopeful addition. There is a certain comfort in knowing that at least this little person will have his genes. Though there are days when I wonder if that is a good thing. I enjoy reading your posts. They make me cry, too. I had a chemical pregnancy after our fresh embryo transfer. So I'm working on our one and only chance with kidsicles (2 day 5 blasts). Even though I thought I was all over the donor egg issue. I'm reminded that the painful process is long and very intensive. I was all excited about moving forward. Then I got frightened that this baby won't love me. I was scared that the baby won't consider me as the 'real' mom. That process of making a family is a gigantic roller coaster of excitement, fear and exhaustion. And the most important, that process would be able to give a big hope. Much luck and comfort to you all. I'll look forward to seeing how you are doing!
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I went for egg donation last year. I had three attempts. None of them were positive. As I understand it has explanation in such way. There are used frozen eggs instead of fresh ones. That happens because of a lack of donors. And certainly it is more preferable to do egg donation with fresh eggs. I have read very interesting article. Here you can read about the fresh and frozen . The clinics where I did IVF didnt give me any guarantee. Furthermore, I had to wait a lot until they found compatible donor.
Debby- Mar 24, 2015 08:04AM
I also think that some can have more luck. They can conceive with the first attempt. The other ones can try three or four times and nothing. But there is a success rate of every clinic. It is like a general opinion. So after failures in Spain I conceived in Biotexcom in Ukraine. It is not just luck. It is truth that success rate in Ukraine is much higher than in Spain. A lot of Spanish couples come to Ukraine for reproductive programs. I must say that I dont regret at all about my decision. The service was not worse as in Spain. And the price was also affordable. Finally the most considerable point for it was that they had excellent results.
Catalina- Mar 31, 2015 06:24AM
My husband and I are very glad for those couples that have already achieved success. Surrogacy is very contradictory procedure. A lot of ethical questions appear. A lot people think that surrogacy should be prohibited. The children arent conceived in a natural way. And there is a high risk for the health of surrogate mother. Nevertheless, there is another opinion. I was always inspired by the people who had the same problems and could fight with them. They were a great example for me to keep calm and believe in better. Infertility is common thing nowadays. That fact I first realized when I started looking for the clinics. When I came to Biotexcom I met a lot of couples. By the way, I still keep in contact with them. And most of that couples also achieved with the first attempt some with the second or third. Unfortunately, for those people it isnt a problem to have children, they will never understand the pain of others. They can talk about the morality and ethics but at home they will be met by their children. It is truth that opinions differ. As for me, I was also satisfied with managers work. Tell the truth I was afraid about the language. Ukrainian and Russian are spoken in Ukraine. But I dont speak these languages. I didnt know how I would communicate with the doctor, with the nurse, just in the street. I was notified in advance that not so many people spoke English. But it turned out to be not a problem at all. I was always accompanied my manager. She prepared all the documentation for the visits to doctor and in general, was very atterntive to me, too.
Dariana- Mar 31, 2015 07:54AM
Hello, ladies! I do want to warn you about Spain. Since I live there, and unfortunately I experience it firsthand. Firstly, I had three IVF attempts with my embryos. But they were not of very good quality and I was offered a donation. Then I made 6 attempts with donated embryos and all were failed. Moonlight, I think you like no one can imagine my desperation. I cried, I thought I was crazy. How is this possible? But when I came to life, I began searching the information. It should also be a cause. I was looking for people with the same problem. And I read about the frozen eggs, that in Spain there are very few donors, thats why they froze the donors eggs. But the horror is that after freezing the implantation rate is reduced to the minimum. I paid for each embryo, which is not really cost anything. Girls, if you want to have children, look for other options, don't go to Spain. I'm also trying to find other options. Take care of yourself and be careful making a choice.
Debby- Mar 31, 2015 09:29AM
Hi, Dariana! I completely understand you. I was in the same situation. I felt desperate and frustrated. I thought that it was my last chance. But, please, dont give up. This is not the end. There are a lot of other options. I also didnt achieve in Spain. As I have mentioned I had three negative results. But it didnt stop me. I tried to find out new ways out, new solutions. I am sure that you will choose the best option for you. And you will be able to feel the pleasure of motherhood.
Dariana- Mar 31, 2015 10:15AM
Moonlight, thank you for your support. I appreciate it very much. Without a doubt I am not going to give up. Only I lost a lot of money. Now we have some difficulties with finances(( I have money really for only one attempt(( But no one can give me a guarantee that I will get pregnant. And I have a lot of fears. I dont want to lose my last chance. I dont know what to do. I should go in another country for treatment. But I am afraid of it so much. We also should have extra money for accommodation and food. I am also afraid of frauds. Actually I would like to go in US. I have heard that they are gods of reproductive medicine. But I havent enough money even for one attempt there. And it is without flights and accommodation. Too expensive for us. So it should be something much cheaper. But all other options I can imagine scares me even more. Maybe someone here had experience of donations abroad and can share it. This information could be very useful, I think not only for me. Or maybe someone is going abroad for donation. I will be very grateful for all information you can share. May be it is impolite to ask you for that. I know sometimes it is hard to share your private story. I am sorry for it. But it could help very much. Thanks in advance.
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Greetings,

I am far from being an expert in the subject but I understand the situation.

Dariana mentioned that she is afraid of fraud. To that affect, I am much more aware. There are charlatans in that fertility business and many women have had painful and costly experiences.

If you really wish to pursue, there are reliable resources. In the US for instance, Celine Dion got pregnant twice, in a NY clinic.

In Canada, some provincial governments offer fertility services, not free to non-citizens, but available to others. There must be some in the UK and France.

Please do not fall for any fertility site on the web. Get references from people in your country and check the results face-to-face and check again for a possible scam.

If you fail because of a scam, you would be devastated.

Good luck to all of you.

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