Report

Early menopause-what to do???

Ask a question KellyMoor 14Posts Wednesday March 25, 2015Registration date April 10, 2015 Last seen - Last answered on Dec 22, 2015 at 02:52 AM by somyasharma
Hello!
I am very frustrated. I would like to share my story. And I would be very grateful if someone would share her own experience, too. Maybe it will help me to find my own solution. I am suffering infertility. During the last years the idea of having baby haven't left me. It was impossible with my diagnosis. I have you been diagnosed with a precocious menopause. Everything started seven years ago. When my husband and me decided to have a baby. But we couldn't conceive. After three years we dared to use IVF. We did IVF four times. We had procedured in different clinics.You know that sometimes it is better to consult not one doctor. Every timed I expected that that time would be the last one. My husband and me dreamt about the baby so much. But, all our attempts failed. It broke into pieces all our hopes and expectations. I don't want to go through this horror one more time. But these attempts only complicated the situation. IVF procedures provoked hormonal problems. As the result early menopause appeared. It is truth fix one thing and break another.N ow I am so disappointed that I cannot even describe it with my own words. I am afraid that our family can break into pieces. I feel miserable. I understand that I cannot give my husband a son or a daughter. It is very complicated for me. Maybe someone felt anything like this?
Helpful
+1
plus moins
Hi, KellyMoor! I am so sorry you have to suffer from infertility. If I only could help you. The only I want you to make sure that always you can find the solution. Just don't give up and fight for you family and for your future child. I was in the same boat. I struggle of infertility too. But now I am a happy mother. And of course you will be too. When I was 28 years old I went through a serious surgery during which doctors had to dissect my ovaries out. Medical workers warned me of the consequences in future, in particular infertility. I had no choice in the matter because we did not think about fertility at that moment but how to save my life. Being 30 years old my husband and I gave thought to child. Having known my diagnosis we understood that I can bear a child only with the help of donor eggs and IVF program. Therefore, we gave a second thought to reproductive medical programs. We studied all information and chose the country where we can take advantage of ART.
Was this answer helpful?  
Dana- Mar 30, 2015 at 06:56 AM
You are completely right. I met some couples, who told me some horrible stories. I don't want to judge and tell that India is a bad choice for surrogacy. But I am sure that couples should be serious and careful making a choice. This problem is not about money. Of course prices are very attractive. But some legends about India are not without a purpose. As other couples said, it is not truth that donors and surrogates are checked in a proper way. Most of them have infections, which they transfer to the unborn child. Donors also can have diseases and infections. Some of them can have genetic mutations which affect the child. Moreover if consider surrogate mothers, they don't live in a good condition. They are very poor and don't spend money for needed food and vitamins. Very often in India they give birth to ill children. I don't know how much it is true. But I am not so risky.
Reply
KellyMoor 14Posts Wednesday March 25, 2015Registration date April 10, 2015 Last seen - Mar 30, 2015 at 07:24 AM
It is horrible, the donors must be healthy and well checked. Otherwise, there is no guarantee that the child will be healthy. I understand that there are things that we cannot change or predict. But it is possible to do the best in order to prevent some things. From this point of view, the donor is essenial for the procedure. No, I will not be I would never take risks to go to India. And yes, you have mentioned the fact that donors in India there are of Hindu race. But my husband and me are of Caucasian race. I am blondie and my husband has light curly hair. So if a child has dark skin everybody will get to know that he or she is not mine. I even can not imagine how do they select the donors. For me it is very important that my child would look like me. And if he or doesn't look like me, it will cause a lot of rumors. And it is unacceptable. I would like to grow up my child with my husband as if my own. I will accept as my own, but the other people can be very cruel. If my child suspects something, he or she wouldn't feel unsafely. Admitting the fact of egg donation my son or daughter will not be able to live a normal life. I want my child grows happy and never suspect anything. So my target is to conceal the fact of egg donation for everybody in order to secure my family. I am sure India is not the best option for me.
Reply
Snooks- Apr 10, 2015 at 09:02 AM
Aww thankyou for your kind words Kellymoor. Motherhood is honestly a gift and you will get yours soon enough i can guarantee. Great things happen to the people who wait.
I am very greatful that i am pregnant again. Iin my early 20's i have my priorities straight. I was not the typical young person wanting to go out and blow money out the door by partying and having one night stands getting pregnant to god knows who like ALOT of desperate scummy people do. I was focused on my partner, love, family, and being thankful i had a baby and for all i had. Kids (even mine) can be a handful and a half and put some strain on partners. But at the end of the day its just what kids do and got to deal with it. I also dont understand why women get abortions. Very selfish and they shouldnt of spread their legs in the first place and had some common sence and dignity about themselves. I have had a miscarriage before at 12 weeks. And it still haunts me to this day and ill never forget the image of my tiny baby on my hand lifeless. The nurse told me to put it in a paper bag so they throw them out afterwards. I never talk about it much. it makes me cry.
Reply
Snooks- Apr 10, 2015 at 09:11 AM
You sound like your a wonderful woman who deserves a baby and would be a great mother in every aspect. I wish i was a genie and give you one now, BUT not that simple. Every woman would agree as i do with you about hearing the first words, first steps being a priceless gift. Cause if women dont agree then to me they dont deserve to be mothers. God has a plan for us all and im sure he sees you as a future great mummy and i bet hes working on it for you too but it all comes to patience and faith. i am a big believer in all this and your time will come.
Reply
Dana- Mar 30, 2015 at 07:48 AM
Then I considered Mexico. That was not so far away so it suits me more. Together with my husband we decided to go and visit some clinics we chose. This journey was a big surprise for us. Do you know that in the state of Tabasco the surrogacy program is not only for traditional families, but also for homosexuals, the carriers of the AIDS virus/HIV and patients with viral hepatitis. Yes, this is Mexico. Surrogate mothers who are in the program, unfortunately, are not always checked properly. Not in all cases, they undergo a medical examination and testing. It entails a variety of diseases, malformations in the unborn child, complications with GS/childbirth, and much more. Any legally working and self-respecting clinic will never allow such violations. For me it is completely unacceptable! We went away from that country without any results. I was so upset. I dropped my hand. I need more time to settle all the information I have. We spent some money for travel in Mexico and it was our big mistake.
Reply
Leave a comment
Helpful
+1
plus moins
Were you in Mexico? I would never have thought that there is so chaos in surrogacy industry. Although I saw a lot of TV programs that there are so much criminal and complete lawlessness in different spheres. Thus maybe I shouldn't be so surprised about such phenomenon in reproductive industry. But it is still very strange. Actually such countries as India and Mexico are good because of price but very high risk. And have you heard that scandal in Thailand? The internet is full of news about baby Gammy scandal and poor surrogate mothers. Such stories show bad side of surrogacy and egg donation in such countries. I am sure is anything goes wrong nobody will take the responsibility. Nobody can guarantee you healthy child or child registration without complication. I am really impressed by that scandal. However, there is hope that it will be solved by government. In any case I will be more calm if I do program in European country. I hope it is better organized there. Have you heard anything about European clinics?
Was this answer helpful?  
KellyMoor 14Posts Wednesday March 25, 2015Registration date April 10, 2015 Last seen - Apr 10, 2015 at 07:17 AM
Thank you, Dana for all information. I very appreciate your support and advice. I am very interested in this clinic. I also find Ukraine the best option for surrogacy. I have just written an email to the clinic. I don't get any answer yet. I hope that they will be able to mail me back. I would like to start the process as soon as possible. Or at least I would like to know the possible ways of treatment for me. I am very tired to wait any more. Do you know when they could arrange an appointment for the first visit? I very excited to contact very soon. I hope it is possible... In other clinics it takes much time for waiting. But I haven't patience any more(( Dane, I am incredibly grateful to you for your help.
Reply
Snooks- Apr 10, 2015 at 07:28 AM
Hello there KellyMoor,
I really do feel for you in your situation cause you see alot of women are selfish when it comes to babies eg abortion (which im totally against). And young girls getting pregnant and not wanting or are ready for a baby. It totally upsets me when i see people like you who ARE ready and want this more than everything. Its a struggle and seems like some women dont appreciate that they can get pregnant and have their own child when others are suffering. I have always loved kids... And i have 1 and one on the way at the moment. I have always wanted to have hundreds of my own)) I have even talked to my partner about being a surrogent mother for people in your situation. As i want to help fulfill couples happiness and give them what they have been longing for. And to be honest i wouldnt even want the money for doing it. Just seeing them hold their baby is enough happiness for me. But unfortunately i cant do it. There is something positive on the horizon waiting for you that you cant yet see... But it will come and have faith. I wish you all the best in the future. Weman like you deserve it. Believe in God and yourself)
Reply
KellyMoor 14Posts Wednesday March 25, 2015Registration date April 10, 2015 Last seen - Apr 10, 2015 at 08:16 AM
I totally agree with you, Snooks. I am very grateful to you. Thanks for everything. It is a great pleasure to hear words of such support from you. You are a very kind person with big heart. I consider motherhood to be one the most valuable things in the world. It is a big happiness to know that you can love someone and give care to someone. I am inclined to believe that parents are not the people that didn't conceive but those who grow up. I think every woman should be happy to know that she is pregnant. I know that it is difficult to bear a baby from the physiological point. But the result is like the miracle. I don't understand women who do abortion. Some of them say that they are too young for this. Some of them think that they don't have time for this. They dedicate more time for their career. For me the family is the most important.
Reply
KellyMoor 14Posts Wednesday March 25, 2015Registration date April 10, 2015 Last seen - Apr 10, 2015 at 08:32 AM
I always imagined how I will have a baby. It is a priceless gift to educate a child, to the first steps, to hear the first words. However, many women will not agree with me. They try to postpone the pregnancy. But a lot of problems can appear with the age. The woman will not always be young. Sometimes the life is unfair to us. It gives babies for those who are unprepared. On the contrary it leaves many women the chance to be a mother. I don't find the explanation for this. The thing I know is that not everything depends on us. So we are obliged to find the solutions. I believe that assisted reproductive technologies changed situation for better. I am sure that they helped, help and will help a lot of people to feel the happy moments of parenthood. That's why I hope that one day I will be able to have a baby, too. I also would like to believe that the positive news will soon appear on the horizon. I try not to give up and be strong. I also wish you good luck.
Reply
Dana KellyMoor - Apr 10, 2015 at 07:49 AM
Kelly, I hope you will get a response soon. I was waiting near three days. And I was also very irritated with it. But finally manager told that there are near hundred requests per day. Everyone wants to have attention. You should elax and be calm. If they have many clients, they need time to response. You can also try to call them) Also we think that our case is the most important and we can't wait long)) Manager told that it is impossible to answer all that requests immediately. You should calm down and wait. They won't forget about you) They have very good team of managers and they always try to do everything possible for their clients. So if you haven't still the answer, they have a reason for it. By the way, you can contact a manager by phone. The number you can find on their website in contacts. It will be much faster to call))
Reply
Leave a comment
Helpful
+1
plus moins
Hello,

It just so happened yesterday, on TV, I watched a report on this Tobasco State and mothers.

Many mothers give birth to babies with anomalies.

A couple in Canada, who got twins from Mexico, are now facing a $100,000 (US) medical bill.

Please be extremely careful

Best regars
Was this answer helpful?  
Patricia- Apr 9, 2015 at 04:36 AM
We understood that time is getting on and we need to decide what we will do in such situation. Surrogacy was the only chance for us to become happy parents. We studied all the information about the countries where such program is conducted, pricing and so on. As a result, we decided in favor of Thailand. My husband and I thought that we have dreamed to visit this exotic place. Moreover surrogacy there can be fulfilled at an affordable price. Our couple is an ordinary, average family. We do not have serious bank accounts and wealthy relatives. Therefore, we chose cheap variants.India and Thailand are one of the cheapest countries for the surrogate motherhood. With great hope and enthusiasm we went to the Thai clinic. There, we spent a lot of money. And even after 4 attempts we did not reach positive result. Doctors, of course, explained it with the specifics of such procedure, organism's and embryo's peculiarities and so on and so on. But a fat lot of good that will do us! We spent all our savings and went home without child.
Reply
Patricia- Apr 9, 2015 at 04:55 AM
I want to say a few words concerning general impression regarding Thai clinic. In general, it could be seen rather weak organization of work. Surrogate mothers are not checked as must be. And their attitude towards the role they perform is rather specific and negative. They do not feel responsibility and care for the child they carry. All the time, we were accompanied by a feeling of uncertainty towards doctor's actions. We felt fear if all goes as it should be and if they really conduct real embryo transfer... In a word, Thailand was a horror for us. We spent all our money. We had no result but only sense of despair and distrust of clinics for human reproduction. Returning home, during about a year we renovated our psychological condition. And we had to raise money for the next attempt. We also tried our luck in India and Georgia. India is an ideal variant in terms of price. But there the matter dropped! In the Akanksha Infertility Clinic we even did not receive a contract where there would be spelled out all the rights and obligations of the parties.
Reply
Patricia- Apr 9, 2015 at 05:15 AM
Health condition of surrogate mother did not meet accepted standards and norms. During the program, Indian surrogate mothers live in unsanitary conditions and do not care about the child inside them. In India, we could not receive even slightest guarantee that our baby will be healthy and without any deviations. As for Georgia, it met us with a great comfort, beauty and hospitality. In the New Life clinic we found none defects.There we found high level of medical treatment, European service, and attentiveness of staff to patients, good doctors. Everything was perfect but there was no result... In a word, being disappointed in three clinics. We realized that we just cannot financially buy more than one attempt. And we found Ukrainian BioTexCom Centre. The price pleasantly surprised us . We paid 30 thousand euros for the surrogacy program. But, it is important to note, this price included accommodation, meals, transfers, meeting at the airport and all medical procedures. And not a penny more! We were amazed that after the first attempt our surrogate mother got pregnant! She's a nice woman who carefully and responsibly applied to the baby she carried for us. In addition, after delivery, clinic's manager set a question with documents at rest. That is to say, everything was done completely legally and without nerves, negative emotions and bribes. We left Ukraine at the end of the program with no problems and did all the paperwork for the child easily. Today we are happy parents!
Reply
KellyMoor 14Posts Wednesday March 25, 2015Registration date April 10, 2015 Last seen - Apr 10, 2015 at 05:15 AM
Actually I haven't expected that so many people would answer to my story. I very appreciate it. I have tried to search for my case. It seems that I have read los of information. I don't close out a chance to carry a baby myself. I am ready for that. I would try to do so many times as I need it. And I would be incredibly happy if I could. But you know, I would like to have some kind of hedge my bets. I don't exclude the option about surrogacy. I understand that everything is possible in our life. If something goes wrong I will have to undergo surrogacy program. It like the last option for me. It would be great if, for example, I could have such treatment that included first of all only egg donation. And then I could try surrogacy with egg donation. I think it could be cheaper. And at the same time it would be more comfortable. But about surrogacy, of course, I will think later on.
Reply
Patricia- Apr 10, 2015 at 05:43 AM
Kelly, don't think about surrogacy) I believe you will have success with egg donation. Don't let bad thoughts about failures come in your head. Concerning the unknown doctor, Dana is right. Never go to such doctors. I can tell you a story of my sister. We thought that she had problems with her bladder, cause her bally became bigger. Very often she went in wc. She contacted one "doctor", and she confirmed that it is a bladder. She told that she should heat it. She did. But her bally became bigger and bigger. She went to normal doctor and he was shocked. It was a cyst, and it could be finished tragically. If it burst, she could die. So be careful and think twice visiting such doctors. As for public organization Happy Family, I recommend you to contact them. It will be much more easier to understand egg donation and surrogacy treatment. And it is completely for free. Their reports are very interesting and useful. Dana, I didn't hear, that the owner of Happy Family is infertile. It is very interesting and logically. Now I understood why the do such great work for fee.
Reply
Leave a comment
Helpful
+1
plus moins
Hello,

I have just taken a look at this site:

http://www.surrogacy.ca/

I am not advocating their service even if it seems to come from a country with a strict rule of law.

Adopting from a surrogate mother is big business. You may read their disclaimer which sweeps very large.

To avoid deception and grief, I strongly suggest, before you spend a single dollar, ask for legal documents which you will be required to sign and consult your lawyer.

Remember that if you wish to adopt out of your country, even from a surrogate mother, you will be subjected to your own country's immigration law as well as the country's law where the child will be conceived.

I wish you my very best
Was this answer helpful?  
Leave a comment
Helpful
+1
plus moins
I am so sorry about your infertility problem. Don't give up hope. Do you know that IVF is successful in India and available at very low cost? I think you should go for infertility treatment from India.
Was this answer helpful?  
Leave a comment

Member requests are more likely to be responded to.

Members can monitor the statuses of their requests from their account pages.

A CCM membership gives you access to additional options.

Not a member yet?

Sign up now. It takes less than a minute and is completely free!