The loss of sexual desire

  • Sexual desire is very individual.
  • Desire depends on many factors, such as our culture, previous sexual experiences, stress, tiredness, professional difficulties, and difficulties in daily life.
  • The lack of desire over time can result in the total loss of interest for sex. When both partners feel this way, it can lead to reduced communication, lack of self-confidence and ultimately, the breakdown of the relationship.
  • In fact, it very common for women to say "I do not have any desire" when consulting a sex specialist.
  • It is important to know that a loss of desire can be transitory and the situation can always be improved with being open about how you are feeling.

It is also worth noting that you can still be sexually attracted to someone without actually having sex.

Possible reasons for this lack of desire

As mentioned above, there can be many reasons for lack of desire. Some of these are explained below:

Lack of communication

  • It is easy to bury your head in the sand and believe that intimacy will return in your relationship over time. However, ignoring the problem often delays and worsens the situation as it becomes more and more difficult to talk about.
  • Often, one or both partners have different expectations when it comes to sex and this may not be obvious. Therefore, it is essential to speak to your partner and try to be open and honest.

Lack of time

A more stressful lifestyle and a greater workload with other responsibilities lead to less time being devoted to you partner. In turn, this can have a detrimental effect on your sex life.


Stress not only means that there will be less time for intimacy, but ongoing stress can eventually affect your mood and well-being.

Lack of passion

  • Passion and spontaneity inevitably decreases in a relationship over time.
  • Having sex in the same place, in the same way, over years can become tedious and lead to a loss of desire.
  • This can leave you, your partner or both of you feeling sexually frustrated and even bored.

Medical reasons

  • There are numerous medical conditions which are linked with reduced sexual appetite. These include depression and erectile dysfunction (difficulty maintaining an erection), amongst others.
  • So, if you cannot find a cause or feel that this may be the case, it will be helpful to discuss these issues with your GP.

Where can you obtain advice regarding sexual problems?

You can access help with any problems relating to sex from a variety of sources, which are outlined below and in the chapter "Consulting a sex specialist".

Discussion forums

  • Talking to other people in a similar situation and those who have successfully turned things around, can prevent you from feeling isolated and provide inspiration.
  • In addition, you can express your anxieties and exchange your own experiences.

Consult your GP

  • Consulting your GP is a confidential way of dealing with your sexual concerns and/or problems.
  • Your GP will be able to exclude any medical causes and provide you with advice and guidance.

Consult a specialist

Sometimes, it becomes too difficult to face sexual issues with your partner, your friends or you doctor, and you might find it useful to consult a specialist who deals with sexual health.
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